The players were hired by the king. They were made to take an oath not to swear in any of their plays. They crossed their hearts. They also promised to watch out for a certain man. They were given a picture. Her father was not stupid. The picture might not be useful. People changed. Especially The Guru. He knew his princess was hoping to find The Guru. The king had his suspicions. The king thought maybe the guru had become an online terrorist in Ghana. He wasn’t half wrong.
The Guru had come to the palace on a little canoe. After a lot of tossing and turning on the sea. He had told the king he was on a journey and the gods had brought him to the palace. Princess Lucy was a young pup. She was five. It was Lucy who got the king to agree to keep The Guru around. She was already falling in love.
Next stop: England (cried all hands on deck!)
Everyone did the hip hip hurrah. Princess Lucy did the hip hip hurrah. She was ready to call a meeting and change the script. She wanted something other than a tiger in the next play. She felt a tingle. It came from her bosom. The tingle said her guru might be in England. He often talked of fried Mars bars.
The ship set sail. They were off to England.
They received a signal. It was in morse code. It said: NEW VENUE. The princess heard the captain and other men talking. They were talking nervously.
– Vat ever is dee matter? (said the princess)
– Your royalty we have a new venue.
– Vat is dee matter vit dee old vone? (said the princess)
More beeps came in. It said: THE NEW VENUE IS DOCKLANDS. PULL UP INTO CANADA WATER.
Everyone looked at each other. The princess looked at the men in green tights. The men in green tights looked at the captain. The captain looked at the stars. Then he looked at the charts.
– AHOY! (cried the captain)
– We are heading to the docklands of East London. (cried the captain)
Everyone pumped their fists in the air. Princess Lucy did the Harlem shake. She had always dreamed of doing a performance in the docklands of East London.
The ship docked at Canada Water. Everyone got off for some Canadian Ale. Everyone except Princess Lucy. She had the faulty face gene. She could only have a spoonful of alcohol. Princess Lucy stayed behind with one bald-headed bodyguard. She played with the buttons on her jean jacket. She wound up her toy dog. It sputtered around the deck. She looked around. She thought about the ghosts of pirates. She wrote notes for the new performance:
Ghost Pirate 1: I am in search of my mother!
Ghost Pirate 2: Your mother is at home knitting a golden heart.
Princess Lucy stopped. She wondered what part the golden heart would play in the play. She wasn’t fond of sentimental plays. She switched the channel on romantic comedies. She wanted more action. Not hearts.
Ghost Pirate’s Mother: I knit and I knit but at night I undo what I knit.
wha laa (thought Princess Lucy). Everything must be undone. Like that old Greek story. The guy that rolls his rock up and down the hill. Forever. Someone said he was happy. But she didn’t want the ghost pirate’s mother happy. She wanted it futile. Love was futile. She wanted action. She wanted to swing around on the rope and chop off the legs of monsters.
In her ninth month Princess Lucy was tired of looking for her guru. She had developed a taste for adventure.