Where is Aaron?

I try to think of Aaron as not suffering. As no longer feeling pain. When I see a picture of him I am flooded again. When I think of visiting Utah in August and not being able to talk to him, hear him, see him none of this comforts me.

I have never experienced so much crying.

There is nothing to do but lay back down. I am trying not to avoid. Trying not to distract myself.

But maybe sometimes I need to do something else.

For now there is maybe sleep.